Bounce

Hi, how are you? Yet again it’s been a rather challenging week for me, picked up a cold from my sister at the weekend and my back has gotten progressively worse since my train journey on Sunday, hence not blogging all week. Finally found a comfortable place (flat on the living room floor) to be able to lay down and write. So here it is.

First and foremost here is my weight loss update which I know was due on Thursday to keep up the pressure to exercise and watch the diet. I’m absolutely delighted with the result and it just goes to show that even the battered disc and snotty nose won’t put me off walking the dog. Although I have consumed a naughty amount of galaxy chocolate this week….for medicinal purposes. I’ve tried to crack on with preparation for the 5×50 Challenge as well and dragged my little dog out in the gales to complete the 5k, admittedly I only managed it four times this week, but it’s a good start. I apologize  for the picture quality, I was literally stunned and so wobbled a bit taking the photo. So that’s a just on a stone in two weeks, thanks guys, I did it with your help and more importantly I’m really eager to carry on! Here’s to next Thursday’s results.

While the typical British Summer weather lashed against the window panes this week I have busied myself with reading the other two Fifty Shades books, which I know I said I wouldn’t bother with. They were a welcome distraction though and as with the first book, I was definitely more interested in the will they/wont they end up together storyline and not the erotica. In my humble opinion, it got a bit boring. There’s only so many times she can bite her lip, and he can raise an eyebrow! However now that I have completed the trilogy I’m happy to move back to my crime thrillers and a little something for the soul……..Geordie got the full low down on the latest fad which is..wait for it…..Buddhism! I don’t really know why? I’m not a particularly religious person and I have conflicting opinions on Christianity but I would never deny anyone else their beliefs. I guess it’s trying to find some faith, nothing wrong with that right? So tomorrow I begin with ‘An Introduction to Buddhism’ on my faithful Kindle #2. I’ll let you know how I get on.

To draw a definite line under Fifty Shades of Grey and the curiosity that drove me almost insane I shall end this post with a brilliant poem by my wonderful and gifted friend Ann Briggs. Enjoy.

My Porn Poem

NOT FOR under 18’s or the easily offended!

by Ann Briggs

 50 Shades of F*&ing Weird (4th June 2012)

Middle class housewives everywhere have discovered 50 Shades of grey,

And book groups since page 60 are becoming quite risqué.

Sneaky reads on school runs, hot flushes in four doors, are leaving the women of Middle England, curious, panting and wanting more.

Ann Summers are delighted at the sale of ball gags, cuffs and bondage ties.

While Equestrian centres are confused, as despite recession the sale of riding crops is on the rise.

Discussions held on Facebook casually mention words like butt plug and vanilla.

But I have words of warning for the readers of this bondage bodice ripper.

In the past I frequented a fetish night, witnessed images that have haunted me.

The unsightly squash of male genitals when encased in see thru PVC.

Couples who led their partners round on a dog collar and choke chain.

The oddly named playroom which in truth was an area for pain.

The whips, the paddles, the crucifix, studded belts and wooden canes.

and other instruments of torture so historical, I still don’t know their name,

Of all the perversity I encountered there, the worst that I have seen.

Was a group of closet transvestites who dressed as Margaret Thatcher and the Queen.

Now I quite fancied owning a slave, thought he’d be handy with the mop.

And rubber is so practical when doing housework but his gasmask put me off.

Despite the voyeuristic value and education the whole scene appeared somewhat seedy.

The people weren’t exotic and exciting, just middle-aged, a bit desperate and needy.

I was put in mind of Michael Hutchence, all rock star glamour , hedonism and sleaze.

But what’s exotic about dying hanging from your belt with your pants around your knees.

Now there’s nothing wrong with a bit of kinky, I reckon the Beckhams even have their scene.

Both wearing Primark in the bedroom watching QVC whilst troughing on ice cream.

But there may come a point when you question where will all this stop?

As you prowl across your bedroom in rubber knickers flexing a riding crop.

Your partner suspended from the ceiling naked in a swing.

He’s beaming with anticipation while you’re thinking “This just ain’t my thing”

You’ll miss your weekly 20 minutes sandwiched between the news and footy highlights.

When sex was a set of tried and tested moves, minus whips and fishnet tights.

And getting ready for bed meant washing your armpits and brushing out your hair.

Not four hours of talcing up the leather bodysuit and fixing on the bondage gear.

And safe words where phrases like never mind love, it might be cos your cold.

Not random words like purple lorry  cos you’ve reached your pain threshold.

So ladies enjoy the titillation from the book, there’s no harm in a bit of tease.

But leave the dark stuff to the professionals, the clergy and MP’s!!!

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One thought on “Bounce

  1. beachbummum says:

    Firstly, well done on teh weight loss! Way to go! Secondly, my folks were readers of buddhism books too, but never subscribed to any religion reallly, try googling Naturalistic Pantheism for an alternative view of religion. And lastly what a brilliant poem, congrats to your friend, inspired!! X

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