Calamity Jane

It’s going to be a sad day today as I’m attending a family funeral. I’m going to write an upbeat blog post today in memory of such a wonderful person who always brought a smile to others.

I am easily the most accident prone person I know. As I kid growing up my parents could put me in a field of soft swirly grass and I’d still find something to hurt myself on, and I often did. I’m not talking about grazed knees or the odd bruise, those were the daily norm I’m talking dedicated A&E team at the children’s hospital. Don’t climb on the wall, they’d say, seconds later I would be screaming my lungs out having slipped legs akimbo on the wall and scraped the skin off my legs. Don’t jump on the chipboard manhole cover they’d say, moments later I had my legs stuck half way into the chipboard plank with my Sister running off to get my Dad to cut me out. Don’t go down the big hill on your roller boots they’d say, I stood up for a full minute this time thanks to momentum but then fell backwards and smacked my head off the asphalt with a loud thwack. At high school my maths teacher was constantly telling us not to bite the tops of our pens which I was in the middle of doing during one of these lectures and suddenly started choking as I had indeed swallowed the biro lid, well half swallowed hence the coughing fit. My most spectacular stunt was trying to hurdle a 5ft wall aged 11 and of course failing. I landed upside down on the wrong side of the wall with my elbow bent at a seriously nasty angle, 8 weeks in plaster followed and the hole in my elbow a permanent reminder that I am not indestructible. Maybe I’m not accident prone at all, maybe I’m a bit deaf….hello?

As I matured into a young adult I remained as dizzy as ever, regularly walking into lamp posts and bursting my nose all over the pavement. On a routine trip to the video shop (yes video shop) with my brother I came home sporting a blood soaked t-shirt thanks to an unsuspecting lamp-post. They’re everywhere!

Now that I’m older and have two other’s to look out for I’m slightly more aware of my surroundings as well as roadside fixtures and fittings. Now I have moved on to hurting myself on child related safety items, baby gates, stroller straps and clasps, car seats etc. I’m forever sporting blood blisters on my hand thanks to the buggy harness clasp and they last for ages. Luckily though the kids are safe and only suffer the usual bumps from jumping off the sofas and wrestling on the carpet, who’d have girls huh?

NoBloPoMo

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One thought on “Calamity Jane

  1. Anonymous says:

    Ha Brilliant and I love that sign…maybe that needs sharing! X

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