One Born Every Second

I watched an episode of channel 4 series, One Born Every Minute the other night, it’s a programme I try to avoid as I tend to twist myself into knots watching the labour and then cry like an idiot when the little wrinkly babies are born. It’s not good for my nerves.

Everyone has their child-birth stories to tell (mostly those with kids) some scare the living daylights out of you enough to pass on the whole idea of procreation, but amid the blood, sweat, tears and god knows what else there are some funny tales that wont put you of eating you dinner. Sadly mine is one of those gross but funny mash-ups…sorry.DSCF2406

I was pregnant with my second child and at the 22 week scan hoping to discover the sex of our baby so I could literally go to town shopping. I was a little nervous as I knew Geordie really wanted a boy and he’d sulk for a while if the result was pink, but luckily I had other more pressing issues on my mind when meeting the Sonographer. As our unborn baby was making the most of my eating-for-two diet (far too much burger king and Kellogg cereal at 4am) I had been unable to go to the toilet for a while, and on the day of the scan it had been 14 days since I’d erm…..had a number 2.(Sorry I’m really trying to put it mildly, you can’t begin to imagine the stick I got off Geordie who thought it was hilarious) Here’s the science bit….an ultra sound scan involves using sound waves to build a picture of the baby in the womb, I know this, I’ve had them done before and I know it’s not like a xray of your whole lower body. So why I thought it necessary to tell the lovely, well-mannered, quiet sonographer in much detail all about my terrible constipation and warn him that he might get my baby confused with a rather large mass somewhere around my lower body, I don’t really know??

Thankfully he was obviously used to dealing with complete idiots and told me not to worry as he wasn’t going to scan my bowel which for future reference  is a totally different area of the body. There was no need for lights in the scan room during the ultra sound because my face was burning as bright as the sun with embarrassment, and Geordie got his comeuppance for laughing at me as we were told we were expecting a girl. He found it very hard to hide his disappointment and sloped off down the corridor while I went in search of some industrial strength Senakot. Now look who’s the Daddy’s Girl!

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