Category Archives: Daily Ramblings

R.P.P (Rocket Propelled Pig)

I slept in my daughters bunk beds last night because I couldn’t be bothered to move the humongous pile of laundry covering my unmade bed…..it’s official, I am super lazy. To balance out this house-wife misdemeanour I’ve been out for a power walk this morning with toddler and dog, done all the dishes, two loads of washing (yes more) and I’m now writing a blog post. Unfortunately the laundry pile hasn’t magically ironed itself and is still there on my bed. My efforts this morning have basically made the pile bigger, not the greatest start to the day but following on from yesterday’s happy-a-thon I am going to rectify the situation and tackle it head on….after I’ve written this post and made a coffee.

Today I am going to write about the pensioner assault incident that I alluded to in yesterday’s post (which you can read here if you missed it) I’d like to start by saying that acts of violence against anyone should not be tolerated and even though my toddler is just 20 months old and what happened was really an accident, I still put her in the naughty corner to teach her a lesson. I was also desperately trying to not laugh probably giving myself a hernia in the process. The story goes a little something like this…

Rocket Propelled Pig

Rocket Propelled Pig

Toddler and I were in the waiting room at the train station last week, obviously waiting for our train! Toddler had been given a little Peppa Pig figurine from a friend and had spent the entire morning chewing it, chucking it about and generally having fun. I allowed her to take it on the journey with us as it was doing a sterling job of keeping her occupied while I tried to catch up on some reading while carefully keeping an eye on  her antics. The waiting room at the station is quite small, just three metal wire benches fill the space, so it’s not an ideal space for a game of throw the pig. We were soon joined by an elderly couple who sat at the far (5 feet away) end of the room and after the usual ‘Good Mornings’ ‘Nice weather’ pleasantries they sat down with an audible ‘oooff’ and smiled politely as toddler larked about blowing raspberries on the window. It was at this exact moment that toddler decided to play catch with the elderly woman, without actually telling her and with an effort Jessica Ennis would be proud of, she launched Peppa Pig at the woman, laughing hysterically as it ricocheted off her leg and landed under the bench.  I was horrified and yet quite impressed with her throwing arm! I apologised to the woman who didn’t even flinch (thank God) and as I turned to admonish toddler, trying to stop her from clapping excitedly and demanding another shot, she shouted ‘CATCH’ at the top of her voice. It took all I had not to laugh and firmly put her in the corner to think about her actions (consider her next victim more like).

My brother called me as this drama was unfolding and asked ‘Why is she doing that evil laugh again?’…….. Says it all really.

Tagged , , , , , , , , , , ,

Aww You Guys

Leah & Marc

Leah & Marc

Okay look I’m sorry…..I’ve gotten into this really bad habit of writing half a blog post and then being distracted by cute cats pictures on either Facebook or Twitter and then ultimately not finishing the blog post and before you know it three weeks have gone by without so much as a sentence! You’re all probably happy for the break…aren’t you? Well tough because I’m back and I have good news, no moaning Minnie from me, it’s all super cheery positives for this post so if you’re in a crappy mood you have two options, you can try to lighten-up and read on or bog off. Decisions decisions?! (ps, I just wandered back on to Facebook for a minute there as well haha) I think it’s really important to celebrate life’s little (and big) achievements and more importantly to spread good news and make others smile, so if you’re ready and your seat is in the upright position…let’s go congratulating! First up on our happy roller-coaster today; huge congrats to my lovely friend Leah and her new husband Marc, they tied the knot on Monday at the stunning Thornton Hall, Wirral after dating for FOREVER! I want to wish them all the love and luck in the world for their future together. I’ve known Leah since I was 11 and just seeing her looking so effortlessly elegant in her gown made me well up! Much love to you both, lovely people. More congratulations to my fabulous friends Andy and Claire who are celebrating their engagement in Dundee this weekend, I’m absolutely gutted the girls and I can’t be there to celebrate but we shall indeed lift a glass of Ribena to you on Saturday night! Andy and Claire have the most amazing little dog called Percy (the Pomeranian) who I’m going to dog-nap when they go on holi……oh did I say that out loud?

Claire & Andy

Claire & Andy

Next up a different kind of celebration, but news to celebrate none the less. My wonderful little sister just completed her first year exams at uni and is now free for three months of non-stop partying, well done spud I’m very proud of you! And keeping it in the family my lovely older sister has just secured a place in the Great North Run and I’m ecstatic that we’ll all be there to support her with a huge banner (and most likely indulge in the pre-race carb-loading and post-race drinks).

My final congratulations (you’ll be pleased to hear) goes to my two beautiful daughters because they have done an amazing job of keeping me occupied (toddler assaulting pensioners and 7 year-old practising recorder all hours) and keeping my mind off missing Geordie, well done girlies, Mum loves you both very much…….One final note, how cool am I to have such good-looking friends?

Tagged , , , , , , , , ,

The Banana Yellow Unicycle

I thought I was going stark raving mad this morning, all because of a Padre on a banana yellow unicycle. Check that out for an opening line!

No Wheels for Me

No Wheels for Me

I was woken by the sun this morning, or at least that’s what the cheeks on my daughter’s poorly teething face felt like. So after a quick beaker of warm milk to fill her tummy and a drop of Calpol, we got wrapped up to head out along the perimeter road for a morning jog, pooch in tow. It was yet another beautiful morning here behind the wire and I’m starting to really enjoy getting out early when the airbase is quiet and there’s no traffic around. It’s at times like these that you can get so lost in your thoughts that you forget how you got from A to B.

It’s been quite a busy week and I got to thinking about a random conversation on Friday when a friend had mentioned trying out unicycling, obviously I laughed and made all the relevant circus jokes (how do you kill a circus?…. go straight for the juggler….two cannibals eating a clown..one turns to the other and says….does he taste funny to you?….boom boom) and predictably the conversation moved swiftly on to other subjects that I was less likely to try and make fun of.

So back to my walk and can you even begin to imagine my shock and confusion at the sight of a man unicycling towards me on what can only be described as a banana yellow unicycle……and he was really good….I stopped dead in my tracks, half throttling the dog in the process. I took out my headphones to wish him good morning in the hope that if what I was seeing was real, he would reply….and he did very confidently, as if the fact that unicycling around at airbase at 8am on a Saturday morning was a completely normal thing to do. As I walked on, adjusting my ear phones again, I couldn’t bring myself to look back and check that the previous 60 seconds of my life hadn’t been a wonderful subconscious dream, and that he really was quietly wobbling down the road behind me, arms out-stretched for balance.

I carried on walking in a bit of a daze. I genuinely had no idea if what had just happened was real and it was only at 7pm this evening that I utilised the power of social media and asked the community page for the airbase to tell me I wasn’t losing my marbles. Luckily the lovely guys and girls came through and confirmed that one of the Padre here on camp does indeed have a passion for unicycling and that no, I’m not as crazy as I thought. Thank the Lord eh?

 

Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Keep On Doing Something

Okay so I’m back on the fit wagon, for how long this time, who knows? Here are the bare bones of the situation…

I am living on an RAF base 15 miles from the nearest town, I can’t drive and my designated driver (Geordie) is away for the next three months. I spend my days engrossed in the latest episode of Mr. Bloom’s Nursery, while my 19 month old toddler swan dives off various soft play equipment. I drink too much coffee and eat a bit too much cake. (I actually text my friend Rachel on Thursday morning in crazed capitals no less, at 7:30am demanding she go with me to the coffee shop for Victoria sponge, so you see I have a problem). I also have a little pooch who, as a border terrier cross-breed requires a good couple of miles walk at least once a day, so sitting on my ever-expanding arse sampling the new coffee shop carrot cake isn’t really benefiting anyone!

I promised myself that I would ‘smash ‘Insanity‘ this time around. With Geordie out-of-the-way and not admonishing me like my high school P.E teacher for not training everyday (and how he loves to do that which ends with me resenting him for being fit as a butchers dog….do people still say that?) I thought I stood a better chance of getting into a strict routine and ultimately start to look and feel better about myself. But alas it would seem that after a 6 day cycle I can’t stand the sight nor gloating sound of Shaun T, and I am still convinced he is trying to kill me. Insanity isn’t for me, and if you’re reading this Geord, I’m not sorry because I gave it a good go…..twice x

So almost four weeks into my so-called training routine I have completely sacked off Insanity, eaten a fair bit of cake, chocolate hobnobs, custard creams and went a bit mad and had chips, curry and Irn Bru for dinner tonight. I didn’t just fall off the wagon, I obliterated it! As with any downfall there must be a turning point, the phoenix rising from the ashes…or crumbs in my case! And I have my wonderful friends, who also eat cake, to thank for my epiphany!

Defiant Toto will get blown away for good one day

Defiant Toto will get blown away for good one day!

I have discovered that despite the fact that I live behind the wire and currently have to rely on my friends and family to escape the gold-fish bowl, there is a way to get your heart rate up and burn a few calories………..no not perving at all those cute guys in uniform…but the windy, unforgiving perimeter road! Rachel (from the earlier cake story) and me decided the weather was nice enough for a power stroll with our little ones and earlier this week we set off around the airfield assuming it was somewhere around 2-3 miles in distance…only to be completely battered by what felt like hurricane strength winds, while jets flew over head adding to the buffering, making essential gossiping impossible. We eventually made it, bedraggled into air traffic control to ask (read as beg) if there was a quicker route back to the residential side of camp. Sadly the answer from the smug looking airman was no and so we re-wrapped the children up in their buggies and headed back down the perimeter road, at times clinging on for dear life as the weather closed in. Finally reaching the safety of a built up area an hour later we calculated that we’d power walked (been pushed) 6 miles and vowed to continue our healthy start by not opening the biscuit tin the moment we stepped in the front door…..I lasted two hours and that was only because there was jelly in the fridge, which hardly touched the sides as I cleaned the pot. Even though it felt a bit hard going at times, it was fun. We talked about all manner of random things, the kids mainly slept and my dog didn’t poop anywhere near the runway so that’s a bonus!

Since our first escapade at the beginning of the week I’ve clocked up 18 miles of heart racing power walking and jogging and I’m really pleased that on nights like tonight, when I’ve eaten dinner and gotten a bit bored with the ironing, my first instinct is to stick on my Nike’s, wrap the little one up and head out with Toto for an hour’s fresh air….even if we don’t end up back in Kansas!

Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

The Importance of Being Kind

When was the last time you were kind to someone? You know, did something nice or complimented somebody because you knew it would make them smile? I think kindness is a quality to be treasured, especially in times when it’s far too easy to criticise, judge and even bully just by clicking a mouse. I teach my children to be kind, to play nicely with other kids (which they do for an hour or so) and share their things willingly. It’s when I see them having fun like this, so innocently that I worry the most about them becoming teenagers and forgetting to be kind to one another, so wrapped up in the daily pressures of school and Facebook!

Random acts of kindness make the headlines now which is a lovely way to end the national news bulletin after a week of bombings, funerals, murders and the fatal Texas explosion just this morning. It’s a huge annoyance that social networking sites like Facebook are becoming constant streams of like-this-image-if-you-care updates, especially the ‘My Dad said he’ll buy me a car if I get a million likes’ Oh bog off and finish your coursework will you? My Twitter feed regularly features celebrity RT requests for the most ridiculous of causes……hence only really following one celebrity (does that make me a stalker?).

I really think it’s about time we all started being a bit nicer to each other. We’re always telling our kids to do it, so instead of  a bitchy comment or turning a blind eye how about offering a helping hand, a kind word or a compliment once in a while? I’ll tell you what….I’ll get the ball rolling….

I don’t know what you’ve done with your hair…but you are looking fabulous!

Okay…..your turn.

Tagged , , , , , , , , , ,

International Happiness Day

According to an unconfirmed tweet from someone I don’t follow never mind know, its International Happiness Day. I’m going to take the tweet as gospel and run with it for the sake of a blog post. Forgive me?

Things that make me happy; Watching people trip up in the street, seeing my daughter’s laughing and messing about, Justin Timberlake‘s tune Suit & Tie and the video, new bed linen, dressing up (steady), winning races (even if my opponent is only 7) finishing a really good book, laughing so much I can’t speak, spending any amount of time with my gorgeous little sister and ripping into J-Lo and her hoops. It also makes me blissfully happy when Geordie even attempts to do a load of laundry, just once in a while so don’t I feel like it’s my sole purpose in life. Reading Vogue cover to cover while sipping a gingerbread latte in a quiet Costa makes me happy too. See I’m quite easily pleased aren’t I?

my.opera.comcyanide-and-happiness-laundry-day

I’m a bit of an admin nerd and I love organising things, my weekly shopping list is on a spreadsheet, our kitchen calendar is a Where’s Wally? family grid type with dates and appointments clearly colour-coded and I don’t care who knows it….this makes me happy!

Whatever it is that makes you happy, do it today, as much as possible. Go on, get on with it. Now where did I put my highlighters?

Tagged , , , , , , , , , , ,

Innuendo Bingo

Last week I caught the Scott Mills show on Radio One online and as I was cleaning the debris of eldest daughter’s room, I managed to catch some of the show live on their webcam feed. I’m fascinated by radio and I love to see what goes on behind the scenes, even if it is two grown men spitting water at each other!

Radio One's Scott Mills

Radio One’s Scott Mills

If you’ve not heard or seen it before, Innuendo Bingo is a game on Scott’s show that involves celebrity guests and guys from Radio One sat opposite each other, they take mouthfuls of water and then Scott proceeds to play audio clips from various TV shows that were written innocently, but can be easily misconstrued as very rude. The result is that one, if not both of the players in the studio then spit the water, in spectacular fashion, all over their opponent. It’s stupidly hilarious and I’m addicted to watching it. Since the first viewing  I’ve often found myself thinking ‘that’s an awesome quote for Innuendo Bingo’ and usually when watching cartoons, those old school episodes of Rainbow have a lot to answer for!

If you need a laugh today, please watch the video and enjoy DJ Danny Howard and Chris (from the show) in possibly the wettest Innuendo Bingo episode ever….. stupidly funny.

Happy Tuesday!

Tagged , , , , , , , , , , ,

The Small Hands of Destruction

I have lost my temper more times than I care to remember this weekend and it’s all thanks to the little people in my life.

When my eldest was born I fully accepted the fact that it would be totally impractical to have nice-things in our home as at some stage of her development the nice-things would be ruined, broken or at the very least snotted on. For seven and a half years I have gone without designer cushions on my DFS easily cleaned sofa, I’ve longed for a rug that doesn’t have a jigsaw of stains all over it and sometimes I can’t contain my bitter disappointment at losing my favourite floor standing lamp thanks to an over excited game of pull the dog by his tail. I know, I had a favourite floor lamp…..maybe I need help?

drawing-on-walls

This weekend my youngest monster, who has now firmly taken over the reins as master of destruction, has poured beakers of juice on the sofa, mashed her lunch into the dining table, pee’d on my duvet and laughed hysterically as she drew a multitude of murals on the walls around our home. She watched me wash the sofa cushions after the last soaking episode, I scrubbed the hall walls clean of pencil marks just last week and I’ve given up on the dining table!  Don’t get me wrong, I know most families go through this stage and it’s not like I didn’t expect it, I’m just growing weary of child-friendly furnishings and spending my mornings ensuring all the crayons are safely locked away.

design heaven

My dream house would be predominantly white, purely because I can’t have anything white for at least another 5 years. We’ve not had a coffee table since 2006 after eldest daughter decided to head-butt the corner of our solid oak rectangular table resulting in a small but lasting scar on her forehead. Whenever I see a coffee table I’d like to purchase I look at her Harry Potter style scar and put my Visa card back into my purse. Maybe I could buy a round coffee table?

It’s not like I’m counting down the days (1826) until my kids are responsible enough to not jump from one sofa to the other or use the curtain tie-backs as snakes/pony reins/skipping ropes but I am really looking forward to decorating just one room for me. I’d love to line an entire wall with bookcases, buy fragile decorative items and fill the room with rectangular tables, white cushions and diamond chandelier floor lamps….. maybe one day.

 

 

Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

St. Patrick’s Day

St. Patrick's Day

Happy St.Patrick’s Day to all those from Ireland, near Ireland, vaguely related to someone from Ireland or anyone who has ever been to Ireland. 17th March is the only day it’s socially acceptable to pull a horrendous duck-face pose and wear your bad-taste Irish hat sideways so you have a large ear on your head.

Tagged , , , , ,

Fraja-Ellie

I’ve finally found a bit of time to sit down after a hugely busy week and thought I would explain about the Mermaid and Pirate from the earlier blog. I have learned a lot this week, such as mixing washing powder with yellow paint makes an awesome sand effect and why Pritt-Stick is nowhere near as good as gloopy glue! Oh yes, it’s been a thriller!

Living behind the wire (on a UK RAF airbase) can be quite isolating if you’re not a very out-going person but now and then there comes an opportunity for everyone to pull together and the drive in this community is astonishing. There is a desperately ill little girl living here called Fraja- Ellie, she’s only just turned 5 and she is bravely battling a type of cancer called Neuroblastoma. I’ve not met Fraja or her family but after reading what they are faced with I wanted to so something to help. I think that once you have seen Fraja’s beautiful smile and read the blog about her ongoing treatment, she will melt your heart too.

The community here is a giving one; the amount of people involved in organising fundraisers is amazing; women shaving their heads (look out for pictures in the Northern Echo around 25th March…and it was their idea before Jessie J nicked it for Comic Relief) Guys and girls competing in endurance races across the globe as well as sponsored weight loss, comedy nights, photo shoots and lots of local events from bake sales to sponsored silences, all to raise money for Fraja’s treatment. The boards I painted and umm’d and arghh’d over were for a children’s disco fundraiser here on camp on Friday night, so while my involvement equates to little, I wanted to make sure they were the best I could do. I hope everyone had fun and they made Fraja-Ellie smile.

Today, as Comic Relief celebrates its highest grossing total for on-the-night donations (in excess of £75m) it goes to show that even though we’re all ALWAYS skint, we’re also sympathetic to those in need, especially children. Please visit Fraja-Ellie’s web page and give what you can, if you can.

Thanks xx

 

Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Take Two

Good morning faithful readers, I have big news….are you sitting comfortably?

Earlier this week marked the 1st Anniversary of Geordie’s Girl.com or 1st Blogiversary if you like. (Hallmark are yet to make a card for this particular celebration so I’ll let you off for not sending me one) and as any struggling writer will no doubt agree, a special occasion blog post pretty much writes itself. You might now be asking why it is three days past this momentous occasion without so much as a whisper from me? Well wait for it…..I’ve been BUSY! Actually busy with proper tasks/jobs to do, not just normal chores or routine trips to Tesco.

This week I have created a mermaid and a pirate (more on that later) and accidentally redecorated my dining room in the process. I’ve endured a few hours in Middlesborough (never again) and introduced my daughter to the naughty step where she quite enjoyed the peace and quiet, at least for the first 30 seconds. Yesterday I was convinced I had broken my toes from repeatedly kicking the leg of my dining table while concentrating on painting; this put me in a bit of a bad mood as I really wanted to wear my favourite D&G heels last night. Sorry, back to the list….I have purchased a potty (for my daughter) travelled approximately 530 miles around the country, attended a very impressive parents evening and topped it all off last night with a lot of rum. As I type I am eating Rolo’s for breakfast, I look like a poor man’s Gene Simmons thanks to non-removal of make-up before bed and I have the sudden urge to go for a run!? Thank God I left my gym kit at home!

image

Aaarrrgghhhhh

Okay so its been a very busy week and while I have neglected you a little, I have achieved a lot. From the very bottom of my heart, and to each and every single person who has read just a word of the blog….thank you. You have brightened up days when I was very low and suffering terrible pain and being able to share good news with you all has regularly made me realise how lucky I am.
image

Last night I raised many a glass to you, and this morning I am blaming you for my aching head x

Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , ,
%d bloggers like this: