Tag Archives: 5×50 challenge

Bounce

Hi, how are you? Yet again it’s been a rather challenging week for me, picked up a cold from my sister at the weekend and my back has gotten progressively worse since my train journey on Sunday, hence not blogging all week. Finally found a comfortable place (flat on the living room floor) to be able to lay down and write. So here it is.

First and foremost here is my weight loss update which I know was due on Thursday to keep up the pressure to exercise and watch the diet. I’m absolutely delighted with the result and it just goes to show that even the battered disc and snotty nose won’t put me off walking the dog. Although I have consumed a naughty amount of galaxy chocolate this week….for medicinal purposes. I’ve tried to crack on with preparation for the 5×50 Challenge as well and dragged my little dog out in the gales to complete the 5k, admittedly I only managed it four times this week, but it’s a good start. I apologize  for the picture quality, I was literally stunned and so wobbled a bit taking the photo. So that’s a just on a stone in two weeks, thanks guys, I did it with your help and more importantly I’m really eager to carry on! Here’s to next Thursday’s results.

While the typical British Summer weather lashed against the window panes this week I have busied myself with reading the other two Fifty Shades books, which I know I said I wouldn’t bother with. They were a welcome distraction though and as with the first book, I was definitely more interested in the will they/wont they end up together storyline and not the erotica. In my humble opinion, it got a bit boring. There’s only so many times she can bite her lip, and he can raise an eyebrow! However now that I have completed the trilogy I’m happy to move back to my crime thrillers and a little something for the soul……..Geordie got the full low down on the latest fad which is..wait for it…..Buddhism! I don’t really know why? I’m not a particularly religious person and I have conflicting opinions on Christianity but I would never deny anyone else their beliefs. I guess it’s trying to find some faith, nothing wrong with that right? So tomorrow I begin with ‘An Introduction to Buddhism’ on my faithful Kindle #2. I’ll let you know how I get on.

To draw a definite line under Fifty Shades of Grey and the curiosity that drove me almost insane I shall end this post with a brilliant poem by my wonderful and gifted friend Ann Briggs. Enjoy.

My Porn Poem

NOT FOR under 18’s or the easily offended!

by Ann Briggs

 50 Shades of F*&ing Weird (4th June 2012)

Middle class housewives everywhere have discovered 50 Shades of grey,

And book groups since page 60 are becoming quite risqué.

Sneaky reads on school runs, hot flushes in four doors, are leaving the women of Middle England, curious, panting and wanting more.

Ann Summers are delighted at the sale of ball gags, cuffs and bondage ties.

While Equestrian centres are confused, as despite recession the sale of riding crops is on the rise.

Discussions held on Facebook casually mention words like butt plug and vanilla.

But I have words of warning for the readers of this bondage bodice ripper.

In the past I frequented a fetish night, witnessed images that have haunted me.

The unsightly squash of male genitals when encased in see thru PVC.

Couples who led their partners round on a dog collar and choke chain.

The oddly named playroom which in truth was an area for pain.

The whips, the paddles, the crucifix, studded belts and wooden canes.

and other instruments of torture so historical, I still don’t know their name,

Of all the perversity I encountered there, the worst that I have seen.

Was a group of closet transvestites who dressed as Margaret Thatcher and the Queen.

Now I quite fancied owning a slave, thought he’d be handy with the mop.

And rubber is so practical when doing housework but his gasmask put me off.

Despite the voyeuristic value and education the whole scene appeared somewhat seedy.

The people weren’t exotic and exciting, just middle-aged, a bit desperate and needy.

I was put in mind of Michael Hutchence, all rock star glamour , hedonism and sleaze.

But what’s exotic about dying hanging from your belt with your pants around your knees.

Now there’s nothing wrong with a bit of kinky, I reckon the Beckhams even have their scene.

Both wearing Primark in the bedroom watching QVC whilst troughing on ice cream.

But there may come a point when you question where will all this stop?

As you prowl across your bedroom in rubber knickers flexing a riding crop.

Your partner suspended from the ceiling naked in a swing.

He’s beaming with anticipation while you’re thinking “This just ain’t my thing”

You’ll miss your weekly 20 minutes sandwiched between the news and footy highlights.

When sex was a set of tried and tested moves, minus whips and fishnet tights.

And getting ready for bed meant washing your armpits and brushing out your hair.

Not four hours of talcing up the leather bodysuit and fixing on the bondage gear.

And safe words where phrases like never mind love, it might be cos your cold.

Not random words like purple lorry  cos you’ve reached your pain threshold.

So ladies enjoy the titillation from the book, there’s no harm in a bit of tease.

But leave the dark stuff to the professionals, the clergy and MP’s!!!

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Work It Baby

In light of my fitness epiphany yesterday I had a quick look through my wardrobe to find the remains of my sportswear. Co-ordination is still a key issue for me, despite the fact that I am going to sweat profusely and resemble a tomato by the end of the session. Ordinarily I stick to my faithful Adidas three-quarter length leggings, Nike sports bra and one of Geordie’s hundreds of long sleeve running tops. There is a bit of a monochrome theme going on, excluding my black and purple Nike Air Alvod 9, and I feel comfortable having tight-fitting pants but a loose top to run in. Geordie however runs like a tramp, not physically but in the complete lack of any style whatsoever. The last time we ran Sefton Park in Liverpool he started a full-scale row as I refused to go out of the house with him, he was wearing light blue TWO stripe shorts that don’t even belong to him, odd socks that I’m assured were white at some point in the past, a half-marathon finisher’s t-shirt (very commendable) and a pink Nike drinks bottle. In hindsight I suppose I could have used this horrific crime to fashion/sportswear as inspiration to run like hell and distance myself from him, but I couldn’t get as far as the front door in case someone saw me with him. Eventually he relented and changed the shorts!

Call on Me (Eric Prydz song)

(Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I have willingly been to various aerobics, zumba and boxercise classes and spent more time comparing myself to others, feeling like a frumpy idiot than concentrating on the end goal. I have had to endure women my age in neon green leggings and leopard print leotards with matching hair band, pretty sure it wasn’t the video shoot for Eric Prydz Call On Me and it definitely was the local leisure centre class run by an elderly but super-fit lady. One of the hardest parts of getting back into public exercise for me is feeling confident enough in my work out clothes to go out in the first place. I’ve been guilty in the past of slagging off those gorgeous skinny mini’s who make running 10k look like a skip around Tesco and those who had achieved the mecca of female fitness, definition not muscles, think Michelle Obama‘s arms! Where as now I can fully appreciate that it’s not done over night, there really isn’t any quick fix and in the words of the late, great Roy Castle, dedication is what you need. If I see anyone out running/jogging now my first thought is always ‘Good on you’ because they’re already doing a damn sight more than me, regardless of what they are wearing.

I have dusted off my Adidas THREE stripe and have blanketed Twitter, Ebay and GumTree looking for a child bike seat in preparation for the 5X50 Challenge, if I’m getting fit my kids are coming along for the ride.

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