Tag Archives: Geordie

Aww You Guys

Leah & Marc

Leah & Marc

Okay look I’m sorry…..I’ve gotten into this really bad habit of writing half a blog post and then being distracted by cute cats pictures on either Facebook or Twitter and then ultimately not finishing the blog post and before you know it three weeks have gone by without so much as a sentence! You’re all probably happy for the break…aren’t you? Well tough because I’m back and I have good news, no moaning Minnie from me, it’s all super cheery positives for this post so if you’re in a crappy mood you have two options, you can try to lighten-up and read on or bog off. Decisions decisions?! (ps, I just wandered back on to Facebook for a minute there as well haha) I think it’s really important to celebrate life’s little (and big) achievements and more importantly to spread good news and make others smile, so if you’re ready and your seat is in the upright position…let’s go congratulating! First up on our happy roller-coaster today; huge congrats to my lovely friend Leah and her new husband Marc, they tied the knot on Monday at the stunning Thornton Hall, Wirral after dating for FOREVER! I want to wish them all the love and luck in the world for their future together. I’ve known Leah since I was 11 and just seeing her looking so effortlessly elegant in her gown made me well up! Much love to you both, lovely people. More congratulations to my fabulous friends Andy and Claire who are celebrating their engagement in Dundee this weekend, I’m absolutely gutted the girls and I can’t be there to celebrate but we shall indeed lift a glass of Ribena to you on Saturday night! Andy and Claire have the most amazing little dog called Percy (the Pomeranian) who I’m going to dog-nap when they go on holi……oh did I say that out loud?

Claire & Andy

Claire & Andy

Next up a different kind of celebration, but news to celebrate none the less. My wonderful little sister just completed her first year exams at uni and is now free for three months of non-stop partying, well done spud I’m very proud of you! And keeping it in the family my lovely older sister has just secured a place in the Great North Run and I’m ecstatic that we’ll all be there to support her with a huge banner (and most likely indulge in the pre-race carb-loading and post-race drinks).

My final congratulations (you’ll be pleased to hear) goes to my two beautiful daughters because they have done an amazing job of keeping me occupied (toddler assaulting pensioners and 7 year-old practising recorder all hours) and keeping my mind off missing Geordie, well done girlies, Mum loves you both very much…….One final note, how cool am I to have such good-looking friends?

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Keep On Doing Something

Okay so I’m back on the fit wagon, for how long this time, who knows? Here are the bare bones of the situation…

I am living on an RAF base 15 miles from the nearest town, I can’t drive and my designated driver (Geordie) is away for the next three months. I spend my days engrossed in the latest episode of Mr. Bloom’s Nursery, while my 19 month old toddler swan dives off various soft play equipment. I drink too much coffee and eat a bit too much cake. (I actually text my friend Rachel on Thursday morning in crazed capitals no less, at 7:30am demanding she go with me to the coffee shop for Victoria sponge, so you see I have a problem). I also have a little pooch who, as a border terrier cross-breed requires a good couple of miles walk at least once a day, so sitting on my ever-expanding arse sampling the new coffee shop carrot cake isn’t really benefiting anyone!

I promised myself that I would ‘smash ‘Insanity‘ this time around. With Geordie out-of-the-way and not admonishing me like my high school P.E teacher for not training everyday (and how he loves to do that which ends with me resenting him for being fit as a butchers dog….do people still say that?) I thought I stood a better chance of getting into a strict routine and ultimately start to look and feel better about myself. But alas it would seem that after a 6 day cycle I can’t stand the sight nor gloating sound of Shaun T, and I am still convinced he is trying to kill me. Insanity isn’t for me, and if you’re reading this Geord, I’m not sorry because I gave it a good go…..twice x

So almost four weeks into my so-called training routine I have completely sacked off Insanity, eaten a fair bit of cake, chocolate hobnobs, custard creams and went a bit mad and had chips, curry and Irn Bru for dinner tonight. I didn’t just fall off the wagon, I obliterated it! As with any downfall there must be a turning point, the phoenix rising from the ashes…or crumbs in my case! And I have my wonderful friends, who also eat cake, to thank for my epiphany!

Defiant Toto will get blown away for good one day

Defiant Toto will get blown away for good one day!

I have discovered that despite the fact that I live behind the wire and currently have to rely on my friends and family to escape the gold-fish bowl, there is a way to get your heart rate up and burn a few calories………..no not perving at all those cute guys in uniform…but the windy, unforgiving perimeter road! Rachel (from the earlier cake story) and me decided the weather was nice enough for a power stroll with our little ones and earlier this week we set off around the airfield assuming it was somewhere around 2-3 miles in distance…only to be completely battered by what felt like hurricane strength winds, while jets flew over head adding to the buffering, making essential gossiping impossible. We eventually made it, bedraggled into air traffic control to ask (read as beg) if there was a quicker route back to the residential side of camp. Sadly the answer from the smug looking airman was no and so we re-wrapped the children up in their buggies and headed back down the perimeter road, at times clinging on for dear life as the weather closed in. Finally reaching the safety of a built up area an hour later we calculated that we’d power walked (been pushed) 6 miles and vowed to continue our healthy start by not opening the biscuit tin the moment we stepped in the front door…..I lasted two hours and that was only because there was jelly in the fridge, which hardly touched the sides as I cleaned the pot. Even though it felt a bit hard going at times, it was fun. We talked about all manner of random things, the kids mainly slept and my dog didn’t poop anywhere near the runway so that’s a bonus!

Since our first escapade at the beginning of the week I’ve clocked up 18 miles of heart racing power walking and jogging and I’m really pleased that on nights like tonight, when I’ve eaten dinner and gotten a bit bored with the ironing, my first instinct is to stick on my Nike’s, wrap the little one up and head out with Toto for an hour’s fresh air….even if we don’t end up back in Kansas!

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2.4 Children

I have spent the first half of today drawing designs for a double-decker bus for play-group, trying to sleep, caring for the little ones and not eating chocolate. It’s been a hell of a day so far I can tell you. The afternoon is starting off just as fascinating as I am sat in my hair dye t-shirt at my daughter’s computer typing and well dying my hair of course. When did Saturdays get so lame?

Not so long ago, Saturday was the highlight of my week, the morning spent shopping in town, usually for a new outfit for that evening, quick-lunch before heading home to play Mum/Wife and begin preparations for a night out. Saturday morning was my time for me and how I looked forward to it each and every week. I actually cannot remember the last time I did this, as I sit here and type I can’t remember the last time I spent longer than 30 minutes on my own, even when I go to the loo, my baby has worked out how to get the bathroom door open and will come and sit on my knee while I pee. I know, its gross.

Double decker bus at Inniskillin vineyard in N...

My bus is going to be so much better than this one

About that double-decker bus! I have promised the play-group kids I will make them a big red bus to kind of chug along for when we sing The Wheels on the Bus. Artistically it’s going to be ace, I’ve got the paint and bits and bobs to make it look realistic. Logistically it’s going to be a nightmare, the little ones are only around 16 months old and I imagine problems with over crowding, fighting and someone always bunks on without a ticket! I will upload a pic of my fabulous bus later this week. You know you want to make one.

I’ve tried to catch up on a  bit of sleep as last night my eldest daughter point-blank refused to sleep in her own bed. We’ve had a few sleep issues with her in the past but this was completely unexpected. Cue whole family awake until she finally gave up the ghost at 1.30am, crawled into her bed, snuggled down and dozed off. Baby settled shortly afterwards and by 2am I had turned into an extra from The Walking Dead. My body clock naturally woke me at 6.10am and the weekend started with a big sigh.

My baby is still full of cold, this is week three now? She’s also started doing a really good impression of our family dog barking so I’m thinking it’ll be a trip to the med centre on Monday for something stronger than Calpol.

I gave chocolate up for Lent. I am not religious, I did it because Geordie said I couldn’t. Then the patronising sod said to me at 1:00am ‘Babe seeing as you’re doing such a good job of sorting the kids out (both wailing like banshees and neither in their own beds) I’ll let you have a piece of Dairy Milk and it won’t count okay? He would LET me have a piece of Dairy Milk! Well if I was thinking about faltering before you can bet your life there is no way whatsoever I am backing down now. Condescending Get!

Yet another occasion where Geordie is lucky he’s not being fed his man parts……..covered in Dairy Milk!

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I Do

So this week (in the UK) the government have passed a bill in favour of gay people being able to marry….and I say hurrah!  In my opinion I believe that if two people, regardless of gender love each other and want to make a legal commitment to become partners then they should jolly well be allowed to do so. I have a lot of gay friends and I can’t think of anything more wonderful than attending more weddings!

To follow on from this Geordie announces this morning that he doesn’t consider us properly married as we had a civil ceremony and not a religious one….er what? I think Geordie is lucky that he’s not being served his man parts for dinner tonight! While he is not particularly religious, only attending church for christenings, weddings and funerals usually, he is a ‘believer’ and would have much rather we’d had what he calls a ‘proper’ ceremony in the eyes on God. Don’t get me wrong I am not against being married in church it’s just that I’d feel like a bit of a hypocrite because I’m not 100% sure how I feel about religion, and when we decided to get married none of the local churches would marry us because I was a divorcee.

We're totally not married!

If the bill that was passed yesterday becomes law it states that same-sex couples can be married in civil ceremonies and religious ones that have been consented by religious institutions. And there lies the problem as so far religious institutions are keeping very quiet, or completely opposing the bill in a very public way. Our local Reverend would not marry us because I had been married before, so what chance do two women or two men have when faced with the ancient rules of the Bible?

In this day and age couples can have civil ceremonies in all different types of settings, from your own back garden to lavish country house hotels and even in theme parks, but I wonder how many people have ended up with those venues as second choice because the church was so unwilling to accept them? I cant help but think that the church could do with rolling with the times…just a little? Maybe my opinion is terribly misinformed and I do not fully understand the teachings of the bible on what is acceptable and what isn’t, but like everything in life, things change and people and society must adapt, at least that’s what I think.

Geordie has asked me to consider having a church blessing as we’ve just celebrated our first anniversary (supposedly the first year is the hardest) and regardless of my anxieties about religion, I cant turn down best wishes, thoughts and prayers for a long and happy marriage from anyone.

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One Born Every Second

I watched an episode of channel 4 series, One Born Every Minute the other night, it’s a programme I try to avoid as I tend to twist myself into knots watching the labour and then cry like an idiot when the little wrinkly babies are born. It’s not good for my nerves.

Everyone has their child-birth stories to tell (mostly those with kids) some scare the living daylights out of you enough to pass on the whole idea of procreation, but amid the blood, sweat, tears and god knows what else there are some funny tales that wont put you of eating you dinner. Sadly mine is one of those gross but funny mash-ups…sorry.DSCF2406

I was pregnant with my second child and at the 22 week scan hoping to discover the sex of our baby so I could literally go to town shopping. I was a little nervous as I knew Geordie really wanted a boy and he’d sulk for a while if the result was pink, but luckily I had other more pressing issues on my mind when meeting the Sonographer. As our unborn baby was making the most of my eating-for-two diet (far too much burger king and Kellogg cereal at 4am) I had been unable to go to the toilet for a while, and on the day of the scan it had been 14 days since I’d erm…..had a number 2.(Sorry I’m really trying to put it mildly, you can’t begin to imagine the stick I got off Geordie who thought it was hilarious) Here’s the science bit….an ultra sound scan involves using sound waves to build a picture of the baby in the womb, I know this, I’ve had them done before and I know it’s not like a xray of your whole lower body. So why I thought it necessary to tell the lovely, well-mannered, quiet sonographer in much detail all about my terrible constipation and warn him that he might get my baby confused with a rather large mass somewhere around my lower body, I don’t really know??

Thankfully he was obviously used to dealing with complete idiots and told me not to worry as he wasn’t going to scan my bowel which for future reference  is a totally different area of the body. There was no need for lights in the scan room during the ultra sound because my face was burning as bright as the sun with embarrassment, and Geordie got his comeuppance for laughing at me as we were told we were expecting a girl. He found it very hard to hide his disappointment and sloped off down the corridor while I went in search of some industrial strength Senakot. Now look who’s the Daddy’s Girl!

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Happy Thoughts

If you’ve ever had a general anaesthetic you’ll know all about lying on a hospital bed left to stare at green tiled walls and strip lighting, occasionally you catch a glimpse of medical people who bob in and out of your line of vision, the anaesthetist chats away as he prepares the drugs that whisk you away for how ever long is necessary and you wake up from a glorious sleep when all the messy stuff is over. This amazing feat of medical science is dependant on many things, mainly skilled staff and amazing technology but there is also one very important ingredient; happy thoughts.

Happy or demented, you decide.

Happy or demented, you decide.

Like a magician the anaesthetist will engage you in conversation, effortlessly finding a positive topic that will elicit a torrent of lovely memories while they are pumping you full of sleep inducing drugs that make the majority of surgery possible. I’m told that if you think happy thoughts whilst being anaesthetised you are likely to enjoy a restful sleep, however if you were to think about an episode of The Walking Dead (mmm Andrew Lincoln) there is a chance you will wake up during surgery! Eeeek.

It took no time at all to find out that awareness during surgery or ‘waking-up’ is simply due to not enough anaesthetic being administered with most patients falling back to sleep very shortly afterwards. I thought it might be better to be prepared so I have a long list of lovely things I want to think about while the neurosurgeon goes to town on my knackered vertebrae. I already know that when it comes to the crunch (not wire) I will be thinking about the evening when I was so ill I couldn’t move from the sofa, my back was in pieces, my stomach had decided it was allergic to everything and Geordie bored to tears with my moaning about it. That’s when my 7-year-old daughter decided to camp out next to me on sofa cushions, her duvet and the sheer determinations that she wouldn’t let go of my hand all night. If you only you could get love like that on prescription!



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Is It Over?

Happy New Year how was your Christmas? Mine sucked. I’m still walking like an 80 year old who’s crapped herself, I broke my tooth on Christmas Eve and spent the morning of the 25th in the dentist, I under-cooked the turkey and had a dodgy stomach for most of Boxing Day. To make matters worse two of my sister’s gifts didn’t turn up, I laddered my tights getting dressed and I blew the fuse on the tree lights all within an hour. Now before you get me mixed up with the Grinch I am chuckling typing this because even though all of things really did happen, it made for an excellent Christmas! Our kids had a total ball and the icing on the cake was having my girls home and my sister to stay….I don’t think I’ll ever forget her face when she opened the hand crocheted Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle hat I got for her…haha class.

So it didn’t exactly to go plan in the Geordie household, but as Geordie gently explained while I was lying on our bedroom floor with toothache and a face like Quagmire, ‘Babe there is too much expectation on Christmas day as it is, as long as everyone enjoys it then who cares about the traditions?’ He then quickly added ‘But you will still be able to cook right?’ God forbid he doesn’t get turkey and all the trimmings, that’s one tradition that will never be over-looked, no matter how raw it turns out!

One of my best gifts was a letter from the hospital to say I finally have a surgery date and in just a couple of weeks I will need to find something new to moan about as I am preparing for a discectomy oooooh sounds like an I.T term doesn’t it? Thank God for the NHS because as you well know, the last 9 months have been pretty hard going.

I’ve spent the last few weeks gathering blog ideas and hope that as I rapidly approach my 12 month blog anniversary in March I can continue to write vaguely interesting articles you can smile at!

Bring it 2013!

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Is there anyone there…?

Hello how are you? I’m just having five minutes in between packing boxes, cleaning my oven and trying to get the kids in bed sometime before 9pm! Talk about not doing things by half, we’re now moving house just before Christmas and as luck would have it, it’s started snowing both at our current address and the new one eek!

Got lots to tell you about too so seeing as my wonderful Geordie has bought me a Kindle Fire HD I will be able to blog on the go……providing I haven’t already packed it!

Hope you’re doing well and not losing your temper over Christmas preparations, thank god for online shopping right? I’ll be back again shortly so watch this space and have fun in the snow if it falls near you.



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Pretty Green Eyes

This weekend my kids sat down at the dining room table with an array of art equipment to write their letters to Santa. Okay my 14 month old didn’t exactly write her’s but she did scribble on it once eldest daughter and me had finished writing  it out for her. Every year Royal Mail run a letter from Santa service that the children can write to and receive a personalised letter back from the North Pole (local sorting office?) and it officially starts Christmas in the Geordie household.

This year the kids have asked for some fairly standard things although I fear I am already bringing up a teenager at the age of 7, the first thing on her list is an Orbeeze Foot Spa…she’ll want her eye brows waxing next. Luckily her second item is a Barbie Photo Fashion doll which she can have so as long as she’s not taking profile pics for Facebook with it. I was ecstatic to read that I will be receiving roller skates with pink wheels while Geordie will be the proud owner of some new trainers (because he’s always wearing trainers apparently). What I love about this whole tradition is watching how the children totally buy into it, spending a good hour colouring in their lists, carefully writing the address on the envelope and then quickly scribbling things they want but forgot to write on the neat list! So all was well with the world come Sunday evening and everyone went to bed content that Santa would bring the goodies. I had a stroll into the village to post the letters today and was even more chuffed when I bought two first class stamps that had a Santa’s face design drawn by Axel Scheffler who illustrates books such as The Gruffalo and Room on the Broom! Woohoo It’s going to be an awesome Christmas. Just as I was about to post the letters my phone rings from within the abyss of handbag, I switch the baby to the opposite hip and fish my mobile from the abyss of handbag. When I answer it I hear my darlings daughters voice all panicky, instantly I worry what on earth could be wrong?

‘Mum’ she says ‘before you post my letter to Santa don’t forget to write a black fluffy cat with green eyes on the bottom, okay bye’………….Bugger

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As a Mum to a toddler I watch a lot of cartoons, but not cool ones like Thunder Cats or Scooby Doo, I mean programmes such as Waybuloo and Balamory and these two in particular drive me insane. The Waybuloo concept I kind of get, four little characters who play peacefully together in a magical land, and at regular intervals during each episode do a bit of yoga with some kids in front of a green screen. In the real world you just cant get 5 year olds to stand/sit still, shurrup or tie their legs in knots on little rubber mats, nope just isn’t happening. Balamory just gets on my nerves because every time I am subjected to it I end up singing the bloody annoying songs for the rest of the day. Is it blue, is it green or should we got to the pink house instead? Who cares?!

Of course there is always an exception and as much I will probably regret bigging up Justin Fletcher because he is super annoying, I believe he has pulled a corker with his GiggleBiz show on Cbeebies. For those who have a life and have never seen it the show format is a  series of short comedy clips where Justin plays the main characters and does a few suspiciously good female characters too. My favourite by far is Geordie legend Keith Fit, complete with naff track suit, Keegan style curly perm and tasche his dubious North East accent makes this character amusing before he even starts acting. Keith Fit is all about teaching kids (or bairns) how to do various sports and in true comedy tradition he sucks at all of them and ends each segment with a thumbs up shouting ‘Champion’. I don’t think this character would have worked had he been from anywhere else but Newcastle, his over-enthusiastic slap-stick personality makes for great TV (in my under-stimulated, starved of adult conversation mind). No really, he’s funny!

I’ve searched all over the Internet to find some decent short clips of Keith, sadly this is the best of a poor quality bunch. If you get chance to catch Gigglebiz on Cbeebies (and no you don’t have to be a parent) watch it, it’s actually hilarious….right?


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The Best Laid Plans

AA van, Bristol, England

He’s Here!

Today has been one of the most farcical in history and yet also one of the funniest thanks to an unexpected turn of events. Here’s how it went down….

5 am up to get ready as driving 100 miles south to drop eldest daughter back to school. Night before spent washing, ironing, packing etc to make sure we get out of the house with two (still sleeping) children packed snugly into the back seats before heading off into the early morning light. Kind of like kidnapping your own kids type of thing.

7 am kids awaken and decide they’re both ravenously hungry and so the in-car picnic begins. Rice Crispies and whole milk followed by yogurt and banana and a warm soft bread roll (because they love them with butter straight from the oven…god bless tin foil)

7.20 am kids fall back asleep and the clear up of the Rice Crispie avalanche begins.

8.10 am Fast lane of the M6 southbound, stop start traffic as to be expected, only on the next acceleration our car loses all power…and we begin to drift over to the hard shoulder. Bugger.

8.40 am AA man from heaven arrives (not heavenly cute just a God-send because of the situation, you get me?) and tows us from the motorway to a safer lay-by near St Helen‘s (?)

9.10 am Rang school to say daughter will be late, daughter is delighted at this news and tells the heavenly AA man to take his time. Kids go back to searching for lost Rice Crispie treasure on the back seats.

9:30 am Notice a dirty burger van further down in the lay-by, now desperately hungry for a bacon butty as the nutri-grain bar I packed just isn’t going to cut it. Must refrain.

10.20 am AA man tells us basically our car is pooped and begins the mountainous paper work to get a recovery vehicle to drive us back home. Hurrah, eldest daughter slightly deflated at having to go to school earlier than thought as her Dad arrives to take over the last leg of the journey…haha sucker!

10:45 am Try to convince Geordie he has broken the car with his Movember mustache. The car took one look at it and died on the spot. He is having none of this.

11.30 am Can’t take the suspense any longer, Suzie’s Burger Van (or Suzies Dirty Baps as me and Geordie have renamed it) is calling to me and after finding a bonus £10 under the driver’s seat we hop out (okay sprint) to the van to order our heart attacks.

11.34 am Bacon butty demolished and it was divine! Suzie even cut the fat off my bacon for me woohoo, here’s to 4 more years heart attack free!

11:45 I am hungry again because I made the mistake of reading Suzie’s dirty menu and now really want a Snicker. Proceed to spend the next ten minutes annoying the life out of Geordie until he goes and gets me a Snicker.

12:15 pm AA Recovery man arrives and the complicated yet strangely engrossing process of hauling our car on to the truck begins. Fascinating!

12:30 pm – 2:45 pm Geordie and I basically put the world to rights, have a bit of spat about our parents and then fall into a comfortable silence for the rest of the journey, much to the Recovery man’s delight I’m sure. My God he must hear all kinds doing his job!

1:05 pm Ask the AA Recovery man if his job is pretty much like a slightly more technical taxi drivers job….he doesn’t reply.

3:10 pm Home again, car at the garage awaiting diagnostics and the troops chilling out with roast chicken sarnies and a cuppa.

All in a day’s work in our house although I think I’m going to try to get that elusive  lie-in tomorrow.


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Hi, how’s you weekend going? Mine has involved lots of usual household chores and chilling out with the family. Geordie is currently besotted with the Insanity workout that I’m told is sweeping the nation after originating in the US. For the last 20 days or so he has spent anything from 30 mins to an hour sweating his bits off slogging away at this high intensity exercise regime. There’s something slightly unnerving about being woken up by the sound of your husband grunting away in the living room at 5 am. Obviously the first time it happened I raced downstairs wondering what the hell was going on only to be confronted with his stinking sweaty body doing spider man push-ups on my expensive rug! The next few times I simply turned over and went back to sleep without opening an eyelid (but silently hoping he wasn’t ‘having relations’ with the post-woman…I mean who else is up at that hour?)

So this evening after You’ve Been Framed, Take Me Out and X Factor snuggled on the sofa with the family Geordie suddenly realises that he’d not done his Insanity today and promptly jumps up to rearrange the dining room furniture and set up the laptop to begin. At this point the kids have realised that once again Christopher Maloney is belting out another karaoke classic and decide that joining in with daddy’s ‘running about’ will be more fun. Note that our youngest is wielding a bag of Malteaser’s in one hand and Minstrels in the other….motivation or what? I think it’s brilliant and much more realistic for people to see that as a parent this is our version of going to the gym! Apologies for the slightly wobbly camera work I filmed it from the sofa while eating Malteaser’s!



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