If for some mad, mad reason you have read all 60+ of my articles you may have realised that in the last few weeks I’ve written a little more philosophically than normal. With lots going on and big decisions to be made I have begun to seek a kind of meaning to what I’m doing with my life and how I am to achieve my goals.
Like a lot of people I have struggled with the economic downturn in the last 12 months or so, and in true Geordies Girl tradition I have heaped it all on my plate at once and spent insane amounts of time worrying about how to deal with it all. I’m a bit of a pessimist, I used to believe that by thinking the worst all the time I’d be less likely to be let down, however I know now that this isn’t the case.
So after coming through pneumonia, voluntary bankruptcy, relationship breakdown, pregnancy and birth, marriage and a huge house move all in twelve months, I realise I’d made of stronger stuff than I thought.
When I came out of court after having my bankruptcy granted I wandered around the city centre trying to come to terms with my actions which had spanned ten years. I got a Top Shop card when I turned 18 and was still paying for it a decade later, talk about irresponsible. Needless to say I didn’t wander into a clothes shops but I did see an item that would give me a little bit of hope for a brighter, debt free future.
In Wilkinson’s discount store (I was there buying bleach of all things) I noticed a little bird ornament. It was a small black enamel bird, no markings, details or engravings at all, just its little plump body, head and beak. It sparked an idea about having your wings clipped, or being trapped in a situation. The ornament was only £2.50 but given what I had gone through that morning, the thought of spending money on anything that wasn’t completely necessary put the fear of god into me. Also, my pessimistic subconscious reared its head and as I stood turning this bit of hope over in my hands, I believed that if I bought it something else would go wrong. I put it back on the shelf and walked away, hope wasn’t for me.
I’ve seen the little bird a few times over the last 16 months, I’m not ashamed to say I buy my bleach and hair dye from Wilkinson’s (It’s cheaper than Tesco for Live XL hair colour!!) I even told Geordie all about the little bird and how I felt when I first saw it. He encouraged me to get it, maybe it would work in the same way The Secret does, find something to focus all your positive thoughts and energy on and it will breed positivity? But I couldn’t do it.
Not until last week anyway, I went into town specifically to get this little bird and I chose a colour that I associate with my two little girls because they both look beautiful in lilac. My little bird is looking to the sky, because that’s where we’re heading. I’ve finally begun to believe that the only thing stopping me being positive and pushing on to do the things I want to achieve is me. My little bird has helped me get some amazing contacts and meetings lined up to showcase my writing plus the continued interest in the blog gives me a little lift every day. I’ve been massively inspired by lots of friends and their life experiences, illness, weddings, births, family and of course Geordie and his outrageous opinions. I’m pushing on and feeling really good about it. I hope this post will resonate with those who feel stuck in a rut and in need of change. I know it’s not easy but when you get going the freedom you feel is exhilarating. So here is to you, get yourself an object and make it your talisman for a bright future full of possibility. Don’t you know Bird is the word?