Tag Archives: Primark

Bounce

Hi, how are you? Yet again it’s been a rather challenging week for me, picked up a cold from my sister at the weekend and my back has gotten progressively worse since my train journey on Sunday, hence not blogging all week. Finally found a comfortable place (flat on the living room floor) to be able to lay down and write. So here it is.

First and foremost here is my weight loss update which I know was due on Thursday to keep up the pressure to exercise and watch the diet. I’m absolutely delighted with the result and it just goes to show that even the battered disc and snotty nose won’t put me off walking the dog. Although I have consumed a naughty amount of galaxy chocolate this week….for medicinal purposes. I’ve tried to crack on with preparation for the 5×50 Challenge as well and dragged my little dog out in the gales to complete the 5k, admittedly I only managed it four times this week, but it’s a good start. I apologize  for the picture quality, I was literally stunned and so wobbled a bit taking the photo. So that’s a just on a stone in two weeks, thanks guys, I did it with your help and more importantly I’m really eager to carry on! Here’s to next Thursday’s results.

While the typical British Summer weather lashed against the window panes this week I have busied myself with reading the other two Fifty Shades books, which I know I said I wouldn’t bother with. They were a welcome distraction though and as with the first book, I was definitely more interested in the will they/wont they end up together storyline and not the erotica. In my humble opinion, it got a bit boring. There’s only so many times she can bite her lip, and he can raise an eyebrow! However now that I have completed the trilogy I’m happy to move back to my crime thrillers and a little something for the soul……..Geordie got the full low down on the latest fad which is..wait for it…..Buddhism! I don’t really know why? I’m not a particularly religious person and I have conflicting opinions on Christianity but I would never deny anyone else their beliefs. I guess it’s trying to find some faith, nothing wrong with that right? So tomorrow I begin with ‘An Introduction to Buddhism’ on my faithful Kindle #2. I’ll let you know how I get on.

To draw a definite line under Fifty Shades of Grey and the curiosity that drove me almost insane I shall end this post with a brilliant poem by my wonderful and gifted friend Ann Briggs. Enjoy.

My Porn Poem

NOT FOR under 18’s or the easily offended!

by Ann Briggs

 50 Shades of F*&ing Weird (4th June 2012)

Middle class housewives everywhere have discovered 50 Shades of grey,

And book groups since page 60 are becoming quite risqué.

Sneaky reads on school runs, hot flushes in four doors, are leaving the women of Middle England, curious, panting and wanting more.

Ann Summers are delighted at the sale of ball gags, cuffs and bondage ties.

While Equestrian centres are confused, as despite recession the sale of riding crops is on the rise.

Discussions held on Facebook casually mention words like butt plug and vanilla.

But I have words of warning for the readers of this bondage bodice ripper.

In the past I frequented a fetish night, witnessed images that have haunted me.

The unsightly squash of male genitals when encased in see thru PVC.

Couples who led their partners round on a dog collar and choke chain.

The oddly named playroom which in truth was an area for pain.

The whips, the paddles, the crucifix, studded belts and wooden canes.

and other instruments of torture so historical, I still don’t know their name,

Of all the perversity I encountered there, the worst that I have seen.

Was a group of closet transvestites who dressed as Margaret Thatcher and the Queen.

Now I quite fancied owning a slave, thought he’d be handy with the mop.

And rubber is so practical when doing housework but his gasmask put me off.

Despite the voyeuristic value and education the whole scene appeared somewhat seedy.

The people weren’t exotic and exciting, just middle-aged, a bit desperate and needy.

I was put in mind of Michael Hutchence, all rock star glamour , hedonism and sleaze.

But what’s exotic about dying hanging from your belt with your pants around your knees.

Now there’s nothing wrong with a bit of kinky, I reckon the Beckhams even have their scene.

Both wearing Primark in the bedroom watching QVC whilst troughing on ice cream.

But there may come a point when you question where will all this stop?

As you prowl across your bedroom in rubber knickers flexing a riding crop.

Your partner suspended from the ceiling naked in a swing.

He’s beaming with anticipation while you’re thinking “This just ain’t my thing”

You’ll miss your weekly 20 minutes sandwiched between the news and footy highlights.

When sex was a set of tried and tested moves, minus whips and fishnet tights.

And getting ready for bed meant washing your armpits and brushing out your hair.

Not four hours of talcing up the leather bodysuit and fixing on the bondage gear.

And safe words where phrases like never mind love, it might be cos your cold.

Not random words like purple lorry  cos you’ve reached your pain threshold.

So ladies enjoy the titillation from the book, there’s no harm in a bit of tease.

But leave the dark stuff to the professionals, the clergy and MP’s!!!

Advertisements
Tagged , , , , , , , , , , ,

The Saturday Strop

I love being a mum, I love seeing my children playing together, laughing and ultimately fighting and pulling each others hair. My girls are still relatively young and we’ve not yet reached the demanding teenage years, although my eldest is doing her best to keep up with the big girls already! She is now forming opinions about what she does and doesn’t want to wear, and how such and such at school has just got the new Lelli Kelly’s to wear with her school Summer uniform and can we buy some? I wrote a blog not long ago about how the kids of today are so much more fashion conscious than I ever was aged 6, you can read it here

Not long after my eldest daughter was born we were photographed for the local newspaper for a shopping feature. That year I went a bit mad when I found out I was having a girl and literally blew the top off my credit and store cards. The Next sale has an awful lot to answer for as their Summer sale happens just weeks before my girls birthdays every year and I considered it a crime to not kit them out for another 12 months. I suppose you have to admit you have a problem when it makes the local news eh? You wont be surprised to learn that it was this attitude that ultimately got me into a lot of trouble financially, but that blog will take some serious thought before I make it public.

One thing I absolutely abhor about shopping with children is that the kids department is always on the top floor of most high street stores. In Liverpool city centre alone I can name and shame the following: Clarks, H&M, Boots, Primark, Marks & Spencer, John Lewis and Debenhams. Even my love of Next’s children’s wear has taken a beating as their kids section is in the basement, yet another lift ride to endure before being able to flash the cash. On behalf of all parents out there struggling to get through a Saturday shopping trip without having a complete meltdown, thank you for adding the saga of store lifts to our worn patience. Anyone else noticed that you end up doing at least two full circuits of all floors before reaching your destination as perfectly able-bodied, child-free people insist on clogging up the lifts despite there being copious amounts of stairs and escalators at their convenience! Arghh, it’s making me angry just writing about it. We all know that kids fashion is never going to be conveniently situated on the ground floor as it doesn’t entice enough impulse buyers, but thank the lord for the likes of Mothercare who are understandably market leaders in child friendly stores. To be fair though the Liverpool city centre store is split over two floors with no lift, but the staff are extremely helpful and I’ve witnessed them carrying many a buggy up the short flight of stairs.

Fortunately the team at the Liverpool One complex has begun to make small efforts toward enhancing family shopping. I have seen staff now casually watching the public lifts and ensuring they are available for people with prams and wheelchairs, rather than those who can easily use the near by escalators and stairs. I understand that this can be a particularly difficult thing to judge, as not everyone has a visible disability, but so far so good.

So to all the parents who can identify with this frustration, if we pool what little patience we have left maybe one of two of us could enjoy a stroll around the shops at the weekend. Failing that accept every babysitting opportunity from anyone daft enough to offer and shop like there’s no tomorrow.

Happy Shopping!

Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Forever Young

All my life I’ve been 9 years and 5 months older than my sister which has never been more grieving than now as I am rapidly approaching 30. I met her in town the other day for coffee and was taken aback by how trendy she looked. Now don’t get me wrong, she’s a gorgeous looking girl, had more hair colours than I’ve had jobs and looks good in a bin bag. But, never has she shown such a passion for all things bang on trend. I was……don’t tell her…..Jealous!

When I was a teenager and she was still getting excited about Pokémon and light-up scooters I used to take her to town with me shopping pretty much every Saturday, which I like to tell myself is where her current burst of enthusiasm for Topshop originated. However I’m pretty sure its got more to do with being at uni and having control of her own money. I used to make my little sister model my textile creations during my time at college, she spent many an afternoon standing on my mum’s dining room chairs while I pinned, nipped and tucked at couture creations. She spent most of the time whining because I would accidentally stick her with my inexperienced tailoring. That’s not the worst of it, I would let her put her hands on the sun beds while I tanned, I got brushes stuck in her hair trying to volumise it and made her leaflet the local neighbourhood with me so I could afford a new Kookai dress for a night out. She was like a sponge, taking it all in, scouring through magazines with me and my school friends. She probably should have been more concerned with the adventures of Scooby Doo, but was instead forming opinions on Daphne’s purple and green dress combo.

The biggest mistake I made at this time was to fall into debt. My obsession with all things on trend lead to a store card, which led to a credit card, and wearing an outfit once and once only. We’re talking ten years ago here so I wasn’t paying Primark prices. The only thing I ever saved up for was a pair of Vivienne Westwood pirate boots, I wore them once and sold them on Ebay for a quarter of the price. I would think nothing of spending a couple of hundred quid on clothes that would probably never see the light of day. As long as the minimum payments were manageable then…yeah I will have that Karen Millen dress thank you very much.

Whilst I would never attempt to take real credit for my little sister becoming a fashionista, I’d like to think there is a bit of a legacy there. She has definitely learned from my mistakes and hasn’t fallen into debt for the sake of a pair of sandals or maxi dress. I’m sure she’ll buy the odd item, wear it once and bin it, but if she’s not paying for it in ten years time like I am, then the legacy lives on. I’m just taking a little longer than expected to get my head around borrowing clothes from her and not the other way around. Not sure I can still get away with Nike high-tops and a Back to the Future T-shirt?

Image

One of my favourite memories of us growing up together is of buying a Posh Spice (Victoria Beckham for those who are post-Spice Girls) inspired little black dress, which now I think about it was actually dark blue and made from hideous fabric. It was a fashion no-no, boobs and legs dress and it barely covered either. I stuck it on, threw back the curtain and invited her critique. With wisdom far beyond her 9 years and 5 tender months her words were….

‘Mum’s going to kill you’

Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Astounding Auctions

I decided to have a clear out recently and of the 11 bags of unwanted clothing and shoes, I came across a dozen gems that were worth a second look. As a prolific anti-hoarder it’s quite amazing that I got as far as re-opening the bin bags, which everyone knows is a challenge worthy of Krypton Factor in itself. After much searching, grimacing and wondering what the hell I bought half of the stuff for in the first place, I found three pairs of brand new shoes. Unfortunately none of them fit me and with my nearest and dearest having larger feet than me there was no clear heir so I turned to Ebay.

What follows can only be described as utter madness. I listed three pairs of shoes, all in perfect brand new condition. Two pairs are faux suede moccasin type ballet flats from Atmosphere at Primark. They cost me exactly £4 each and due to the complete chaos in store at the time of purchasing, I didn’t try them on, and low and behold they are too tight. I listed them at 99p each.

I also decided to list my pride and joy D&G heels as they are a fraction too tight and have been sat in a bin bag for god knows how long. I started this auction at £5, you know, given that I paid over £100 for them and they are still in fantastic condition. This is where the madness starts…..

The public decided that the two pairs of £4 Primark FAUX SUEDE moccasin type ballet flats were worth three times more than the GENUINE ITALIAN LEATHER DESIGNER HEELS by D&G. What on earth is going on? Have we lost all sight of taste and style and decency?!

This all happened over a week ago, and with four minutes to go and a paltry bid of £6.80 on my oh so precious D&G heels, I ended the auction and placed them carefully in the top of my wardrobe. I’d rather suffer with them being too small, than let them go for less than a tenner. Bids over £11 welcome 😉

Tagged , , , , , , ,
%d bloggers like this: